Okay so where do I start - I have been overweight all my life so when I turned 20, I said to myself - okay now its time to get your head in the game and lose weight.Guess what - same thing was done at 30, 40, 45,50 -now at 51 I am saying -okay get your head out of your ass and do something.
I have done WW, Nutri system, Medfast,etc - guess what? I realized by factoring in the common denominator that they all work - I was the one who did not work. Sure I did what everyone does when they get something new - work it ,work it, work it and then I run out of gas and say "screw it" I can do this myself.
I know exactly what I can do by myself and I am very successful at it although not very proud of it - I can put all kinds of food in my mouth and watch the scale increase in numbers. Now, there are numbers that we all want to see increase, such as salary, bank accounts, toys and gadgets but the one number we do not want to see increase is the number on a bathroom scale.
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OK, so first I wrote a 20 minute message here, and then found out you need to sign up first and I lost the whole thing, so it kinda, sorta went like this. When did we all fall to the temple of the weight lost, the things that are supposed to help us or make us lose weight. And what about all those women articles that say, be yourself and embrace yourself the way you are. All crap ladies, we are now falling to the new thing that every medical and fitness center lives by to tell us if we are overweight, normal or obese, it's called the BMI. These letters represent what we are supposed to "weigh", it doesn't matter about how tall you are, how your weight is distributed, or how heavy your bones are, it's all about the number. How and what the hell is BMI (your body mass index) and if you go to a fitness center, they input your age, and height, give you this piece of equipment that for sure only costs about $2.00 and is made in china, you hold it out in front of you and a number comes up and that is your BMI. Then they look that up on a chart and BINGO, they tell you either, your normal, your obese or your overweight. But what the heck is normal, what constitutes overweight or obese. Hey in life your are either Fat or Skinny. No one goes around and says, oh, you know that girl the one with the normal BMI. NO, you say you know that skinny girl or you know her friend the fat one. Why the hell are we now listening to a $2.00 5" X 5" machine to tell us who we are or better yet, what we should weigh. Hey, you know that when you take out your summer or winter clothes and they don't button, you gained weight, or if you slid them on and there is a little wiggle room, hey you lost some weight. No machines required to come up with that analergy. We all know where we feel comfortable in out weight, and I myself is comfortable about 15 pounds more then the BMI machine tells me I should be. I have been on a diet snice I was 14 years old. I was so afraid to grow up overweight, but wait, I wasn't overweight, but since at a young age I observed dieting, my parents themselves fell victim to what others said and what society said was acceptable, so hey dont' leave me out so I jumped on the diet train with everyone else in my family so that I wasn't left out. I didn't realize that I didn't have a problem, I made my own problems, why, I had LOW self esteem. It wasn't my families problem it was mine. Growing up everyone would say your so thin, I really wasn't, I was a normal weight for my age, but they compared me to my family. Who were they, aunts, uncles, grandparents, what did they know that everytime they said that I thought oh, god, let me not eat tonight, because they are expecting me to be not like my family, but shit, I am in that family and so glad I am. I am with that family, around people that I would give my life up for and you are comparing me to them. Wake up people, you are morons, you are screwing up a young child here. Anyway, that lead to hello, weight watchers, jenny craig, nutrisystem, slim fast, south beach atkins and oh lets not forget the 3 years of anorexia/bulima, yea I was really good about hiding that until I realized one day, I don't think that this is right (now I have a stomach that I pay for it everyday). Yea, and I have preached to my own daughters exactly what I have done and how stupid I was and how now I am paying for it. Do they understand, yep they do. They have missed several events because mommy is sick with her stomach and we cannot go some where or do something. All because self image was screwed up at a young age. How about comments made from family members how my dad was too fat, hey dad, say something don't let them say shit about you, so many times I just want to say, shut the F**K up, he's my dad and you have no right to say anything. Any way, our life is a journey not a race, no one wants to get to the finish line before we really need to, so I am starting my journey my weigh on my schedule. I will lose at my rate of speed, I will work out when I want to and for as long as I want to and I will not give anymore money to fitness centers that intimidate you (I do love planet fitness, no spandex, no competitive assholes, I go in and then do my thing and leave)I will not give any more money to diet centers or nutritionists that are going to tell me about MY JOURNEY. No more, it's my life, my journey, my body, it is how I want it to be. So ladies, set your own journey, take it your way, and I hope that on our journey together we will meet up and live out our journeys our weigh....
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